I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
