I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
