4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
