Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
