Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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