I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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