found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
