Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
