Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
