dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
