Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
