Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
