Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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