walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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