So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
