Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
