we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
