dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
