I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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