I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
