omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The Olympian is in my bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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