it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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