you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
