every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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