Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
