**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
