Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
