I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
