my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
