oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
