I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
