Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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