I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Success! We fucked roommates!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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