I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
