Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
