I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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