We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
jump out the window naked night went bad
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