He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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