oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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