they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
