Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
