i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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