i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
