Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
