I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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