wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
