glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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