My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
