...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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