You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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